Moonlake’s Lyrics (22)

Today I want to share the lyrics of a song sung by one of my favourite HK actors who is also a singer. The title of the song is called “Have never possessed” and I like it because it feels like a reflection on life by a protagonist to me and I really like the ending.

Here it is:

Have never possessed                  Never ceasing to struggle in this life

Do you know that I                          forever lacks freedom?

Have never possessed                  And emptiness is never ending

Taking over everything

 

Have never possessed                  There happens to be an abyss between me and happiness

How to take issue with                  witnessing the passing one’s most loved?

Have never possessed                  I am only suited to a life time of sadness

Which will overshadow the few wisps of love I have

 

*Who makes reality constantly push me every second?

Who makes you strive hard without rest?

Tears dripping onto my heart

And yet smiling whilst struggling to contain my sadness

For the purpose of survival humans have to have courage to fight to the utmost

To accommodate such a poignantly sad tempo

So that when recounting the past in the future

There is no need to regret the past

 

Have never possessed                  One never ceases to lose and owe debts in this life

How does one                                   erase every bit of hatred and sadness?

Have never possessed                  A life time of happiness and laughs have ended

I turn and walk away                      Not regretting the past

P.S. I’ve neglected this blog again for two weeks because I’m trapped in yet another round of revision for my short story Thread. So today is another ‘big giveaway day’ when I’m going to post up two posts in compensation.

The Short Story and Me

So I’ve disappeared from the blogging world for 2 months and during that time, I was occupied by the revision for part 2 of Thread, my fantasy story based on an ancient Chinese setting published in issue 1 of Excursions from the Citadel. And now I’m onto the second round of revision for it. The number of participating authors in this venture of ours has now expanded to 6 from a basis of the circle of 3 including myself and it’s an outcome that I’m really happy about. Yet, lately I’ve been reflecting about the short story form and myself as a writer. And this is essentially what this post would be about.

I’ve previously blogged about why I write and now I think I should describe myself as a writer to put things into perspective. First point, writing is essentially self-expression to me and as such I don’t handle constraints very well. This includes the need to include specific elements, specific word counts, specific timelines etc etc. I’ve learnt to conquer the difficulty of specific elements encapsulated in a set theme that we have for this epub as reported earlier but I’m completely hopeless when it comes to time pressures (and we are aiming for quarterly publication though issue 2 has already been pushed back solely because of the need for revising my piece). I consistently overestimate my own speed at finishing a short story in the first place or revising it. I’m also likely to get very grumpy when I feel time pressure acutely because I have a high standard for my own work and I want to achieve a set standard in my mind. Secondly, I have by now a fair bit of experience by now with producing what I call “articles in prose” that is the main type of writing that we produce at my virtual writer’s home- the Citadel which tend to be around 2000 words. Dream-wise, I’ve always wanted to produce a fantasy series LoR style based on my Dragon Empire setting (fantasy ancient China essentially). And to be honest, short story is something that fits in between these two form, a form I felt awkward to deal with. Hence, my abandonment of the story that I had months on half way during the first issue. A third point is that I have a weird mixture of obsession with planning and impatience to start writing. Specifically, I can’t just have a vague idea in my mind and then start writing spontaneously, I have to do some brainstorming and planning first. And yet, after a certain point, I would get impatient with planning and jump straight into writing. For the short story, that is sometimes not a bad approach. I have previously blogged about how part 1 of Thread is such a joy for me to write-as-I-go. But sometimes I feel I am under-planning stuff. And all these that I’m sharing about myself is only the prelude to say that I think I prefer writing either a novel or something not considered publishable material but rather background information about a fantasy world but in prose is my preferred format of creative output.

Having said the above, I’m now going to go through the benefits of writing short stories/being part of this epub venture that I have personally experienced so that I capture both sides of the story. The foremost benefit is that it keeps me in practice. Sure, I have my bad days where I can’t even go beyond 100 words in about an hour (I write on train trips from and to work now that I’ve gone back to FT work) but I would definitely not have the two stories associated with my name that was published in issue 1 if I wasn’t part of this venture. While I sometimes feel very stressed with the pressure to contribute stories to this epub, I have to admit that it is such pressure that actually push me to not give up. While I could get practice via the Citadel too, there I can give up any piece with no consequence whatsoever and I don’t enjoy this luxury with the epub. Also, much as I don’t find the short story form to my preference, it is closer to the novel form than what I got to practice at the Citadel and so for nothing else, writing short stories would improve on my ability to plan a story and everyone following this blog would know that I’m big on planning. Plus I landed myself a long term collaborator who was the one who got me back into this enterprise after I abandoned it due to a complete stall that I just talked about. He stepped in to brainstorm with me on some loose ideas that I subsequently got but couldn’t get much further by myself. And he did this when we didn’t even know each other that well. I’ve told him already but I would like to say it again here: Thank you, you really were my saviour in getting me back into the venture with our collab piece, and you’ve been always available to me when I need support. Also, thanks for becoming the first fan ever in this world of Thread.

By the way, what prompted my reflection was that I’ve been feeling disenchantment and general fatigue with this epub venture due to a number of reasons. I had considered withdrawing from the enterprise entirely but now I’ve found a way for myself to be rid of the time constraints and so I will be fighting on.

Never give up, my fellow writers out there.

Moonlake’s Meta Fiction (1)

Today I’m supposed to post my Book Discoveries for March but since I’m committed to finishing off a short story before the end of next week, I think I might have to delay the book post until the end of this month. Today I’m going to recycle one of the meta fiction pieces I have written and posted up in my writers’ home at Strolen’s Citadel. The meta fiction doesn’t stand on its own so I might as well re-post the whole submission. The meta fiction is the block of text with a blue background.

The War Drum of Oyr

Description and Properties:

The War Drum of Oyr looks like a conventional war drum made specifically for one player. It is only special in so far as it was made from the skin of Oyr the One-Legged Cow and had inherited the full power of its Call of Thunder. An enchantment laid onto it by a mage of later ages unearthed its full potential- to compatriots and allies, it can reverberate at great distances but always at a suitable volume to uplift their spirits; to foes, none can escape from its beat of doom no matter how far away they are. Some rumours say that the Drum also has the effect of driving bovines within a large radius to wrathful stampeding.

Yet, the War Drum has been long lost. Therefore, it is uncertain to what degree the added enchantment has worn off or if it has expired altogether.

Lore:

The main debate between sages on the War Drum of Oyr is neither over its construction nor its whereabouts- both are unknown and it is as simple as that. Instead, they argue incessantly about whether Oyr is a unique creature come into being before the ages of time or it was a conventional cow which accidentally swallowed a Shard of Storm and became the creature that legends describe- a one-footed cow four times as large as any conventional cow which can emit a sound like thunder.

Now, you want to know about its construction and possibly its whereabouts? Well, let’s see what scattered accounts there are in the form of colourful local lore and tales from grandsires. There are lots, in fact. They’re not as trustworthy as the words of sages and oft conflict with one another- not that sages don’t- but it’s a hobby of mine to keep track of such rumours and tales revolving around legends. So that I can form my own personal conjecture over the truth. It will probably never come to light, the truth, but one can find one’s enjoyment by seeking to tease out what it could be.

Where shall I start? Let’s start at the beginning. Curiously, the earliest tales recorded of the Drum’s construction was some time after the Great Exploration. And as we all knew, the Great Exploration brought back many artifacts from foreign origins. It might be pure speculation on my part- certainly, no sage had ever entertained the possibility before. At any rate, as many as eight or maybe even more kingdoms claimed that their founder played an unequivocal role in the construction of the War Drum. And yet, there wasn’t a single rumour or family tale floating around of the actual crafter of the War Drum. I find that another curious aspect and it just happens to match up so well to that speculation of mine.

More on the stories about construction themselves? Let’s see. As many as five kingdom’s founders were a great hero and counted among their exploits the deed of having slain Oyr the One-footed Cow though so far as I can see, there is nothing that Oyr had done which qualifies its slaying as being a heroic deed. Ah well. These great heroes tend to be an impulsive lot, slaying anything that doesn’t fit into their mold of conventionality. Wait, there was one among them who claimed that it was the decreed of some obscure immortal who showed him that it was the sure way to defeat his villainous foe. But we only have his own words for that. Then, two others chanced upon- or rather were directed upon by divinity- on the carcass of Oyr. The last is the ultimate showcase of the hubris of humankind, in my opinion. It claims that Oyr itself willingly gives up its own life so that its skin can be used to construct a war drum that will forever ensure that the Righteous triumph. What nonsense, there has never been a single war waged in the name of true Righteousness throughout the history of humans! For the ambitions of single men or as a last resort to violence when two interests irreconciliably clash! That’s what all wars come down to, ha!

Where is the Drum now? Well, foremost there is the claim that it is buried with whichever kingdom founder that really has an instrumental role in its coming into being. That clearly turned out to be false for some of these claims. Which ones I don’t know and am not that interested to find out. Then, there is the legend about the War Drum being restless in mortal hands and never willing to stay with a single mortal beyond several uses, sometimes just one. Of course, war drums had come into fashion over the last few centuries. Enchanted ones made by Hiter musician-wizards abound now. Somehow, these artifacts were being mixed up with the War Drum of Oyr itself and we now hear colorful tales of some of these more special war drums’ histories being passed off as the history of the Drum of Oyr. I have chased down a few false trails myself but it is too early to proclaim that I have found the single true path.

And that’s all I can say at this stage. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some references that I would like to find for another of my conjectures over the buried truths of history.

Character Sketches (3)

This is the last of the character sketches based on the prompt of Feeling Tearful amidst a Misunderstanding:

“I will transfer a million to your bank account right away.” He said coldly and the words reverberated in her ears like a gong.

She felt moisture welling up within her eyes at the same time a mass of weight materialised within her chest. Here her reflex took over and she inhaled deeply. That made the weight within her chest curl into a little ball and pressed this ball down within her body until she couldn’t feel it anymore. It also arrested the tear drops where they were. She was not going to give satisfaction to one who could so wrong her as him. Not in this way.

She felt outraged. How could her? What had she said? Merely that being able to physically roll in money won’t be bad, and that only in a joking voice, and he threw money in her face like that? How dare he!

To be honest, I had great difficulty with this particular combo and while this exercise was supposed to be impromptu in nature and the whole passage should be written in a single train trip, I had such a difficult time writing up this passage that it ran over two train trips. I think there are some awkward expressions above that I can’t even fix when I’m typing this now so ah well.

 

 

 

Character Sketches (2)

Firstly, happy Easter, everyone!

Not sure whether my followers still remember but at one stage I said I was going to create a bi-monthly commitment to put up short pieces of random writing and one series would be character sketches based on a random matching of a feeling with a catalyst event. As it turned out, I only created three character sketches before I lost interest in the exercise. Below is the second of these character sketches based on a prompt of Feeling Safe amidst an Avalanche:

A white torrent rushed inevitably towards us, certain to subdue us under its icy embrace forever. Yet, in this moment, I felt suffused by a pleasant warmth. Like lying under a down blanket covered over by two other light blankets- an absolute heaven of feathery softness- on a winter night. It reminded me of my childhood, lying thus in his arms. I had a happy childhood- carefree, secure in my happiness through ignorance. Oh yes, life was much simpler when I knew little and cared little. There wasn’t the mad scramble back then of trying to meet up to the expectations of lots of people, of pleasing all except myself. I didn’t what happened as I grew up but one day, I suddenly woke up and found that I couldn’t recognise myself from who I was, who I always thought I was. And ever since, I’ve felt so tired. It is a tiredness in my bones and I carry it with me whenever I’m awake. I dream of changing back to myself constantly and that only made matters worse for me. It conspired to keep me awake at night and I got more tired. But now this, my end is come and I feel that I’m finally home. Yes, this is where I belong and the thought soothed me like a lullaby

Creative-life-wise, I’m taking advantage of the Easter break to get back into writing. I’m currently writing one of the six short stories I have planned for this year, a solo piece while my collaborator is working on the first draft of one of our collab pieces at the same time. Both are for the Excursions from the Citadel and I will release more details closer to the publication data of issue 2 *wink*

P.S. I’ve created my author page on Goodreads and if anyone wants to drop me a question about the Excursions from the Citadel, you are more than welcome to do so between now and May.

Moonlake’s Lyrics (21)

The last three weeks saw me mostly mired in all kinds of promotion activities for the epub and now it’s time to catch up with the actual writing. So while I could have blogged about something more substantial, unfortunately I have to take the slack approach of doing a lyrics post again for this week. The next week will probably be the same but we will see.

 

The lyrics below is for the song titled “Men and Women”, the theme song for a HK TV series about the struggles within the Emperor’s “back court” or his many wives. It goes as follows:

Half awake from dreams, I just realise it’s so cold
What is love? Merely being among moaning winds and bitter rain
Bleeding, with red eyes, no matter how many extra turns are made
Even though I will wake up from drunkenness tomorrow the hungover will not recede

 

*A common couple is ultimately no fun
Yet does that make shouting, crying and tussling right
Why is it that I don’t mind following into a fierce fire
Tell me, this life has been waking up and then falling drunk again
Asking Heavens how many happy men and women there are

 

I tremble, your mouth has a bit of warmth but is still cold
Sinking, sinking amongst the black hair besides my pillow
Knowing it’s wrong, powerless to rectify things, let love dominate this moment
Why need us worry about happiness or unhappiness, crying or laughing, meeting or parting

 

Repeat * 2 times

A Restless Mind

To be honest, I have more than enough things floating around my mind to blog about but as the title of this post indicates, I’m suffering from a restless mind at the moment. So I might as well commit the clamour to my blog and then move on. I think it comes from two main sources, both of which relate to the epub that I’m involved in. Basically, I’m mired in all these promotion campaigns for it (promotion on my own social media which I don’t usually touch, searching for book review bloggers, exploring tools available to self-published authors etc.) while I’m stuck on my second solo contribution towards the second issue of the Excursions from the Citadel dealing with wizards.

 

Now, this isn’t a sympathy-garnering post so I’m going to start talking about activities I personally engage in to deal with a restless mind:

  1. Reading/watching TVs/gaming: operating on the principle that immersion into these leisurely activities will distract my mind from its current state. I did that on and off yesterday and today. TV turned out to be the best amongst the three simply cos I’ve been watching a mainland Chinese spy thriller TV series on DVD with Mum together and a TV series always give you more opportunity to lose yourself especially if you watch it with someone else. The book is a short story collection and I wasn’t much in the mood of reading given that I could as easily read it on the train to and from work. Gaming, I’ve only got 80 Days Around the World Match-3 puzzle game on my PC now and that isn’t so fun after I’ve done the 81 Journey more than 15 times already. But that’s the only game that I actually bought after playing it for a bit.
  2. Chatting with friends which operate on the same principle above but give me more human interaction and you can discuss your concerns with someone rather than having it simmer perpetually at the back of your mind. I was only able to do this today but I think it’s working like a charm. At least, it eliminated one worry pestering me about the new story that I’m stuck on.

 

And I’m bringing this post to an end now. The activities I listed isn’t really helpful to get me out of the block I have with my story but this is just about my restless mind. At any rate, there are plenty experts more qualified than I am to give advice about how to get through Writer’s Blocks. I myself even have put a post on this topic based just on my own situations. Farewell for now, come back next week for a post with more substance.

Excursions from the Citadel- free copies in exchange for unbiased Amazon reviews

Those who follow this blog would know that the Excursions from the Citadel, an anthology series for fantasy and science fiction (even though the first issue just covers fantasy), is now available for sale on Amazon. This is not just another ad that I’m putting up to elicit sales. Instead, I’m offering three free copies of it in exchange for unbiased Amazon reviews. If you are interested in taking up this offer, please leave me a comment here or email me at moonlakekufl@gmail.com. This offer is not just valid for my blog followers but also my Women Who Write group that originated in meetup and now moved to Facebook and anyone who chance by and see this. So first come, first served. Three copies only available!

In addition, what distinguishes my offer from others of similar nature is that I’m willing to type up your review on your behalf and then send it back to you via email so that you can copy and paste up to the Amazon website if you can’t be bothered typing it yourself. Just to clarify things, this is just an option for you to take up on if you want, not as a means to manipulate reviews. I genuinely want unbiased review on this product that I’ve helped to make and believe is ready to public eyes. However, it is a very new enterprise and we really need feedback from readers in order to know the objective quality of our product.

Excursions from the Citadel- Excerpt from Winged Invasion

I admit that cannibalism of the war dead does have a logic to it.  Indeed, I may have been the one to slay the man that was in my bowl. Was it a further insult that I found him unpalatable? This particular bowl of stew also came with additional pressures. It had been handed to me personally by a Warlord from the Island of Vattena. I have been in that Warlord’s employ for several years now. Although it was only during the past few months that my Warlord has truly begun to live up to the ‘War’ portion of his title.

The Bevattena, as  Vattena’s residents are known, are shape shifters. Taking the form of birds, the Warlord and his followers flew to these shores on a crusade of conquest.  Prior to arrival of the Warlord and his vanguard, I served the Bevattena scouts as a translator and guide, then fought alongside the Warlord and his men after the invasion. They paid me in advance with salt and silver and, all things considered, I liked the men. They didn’t compete for position. They were not snarky or jealous.  It is a true brotherhood among the Bevattena warriors.

But the bowl of flesh soup made me wonder if I would someday regret my association with the Bevattena. What did I need with a brotherhood? I have never needed anybody. I have never wanted to need anybody. That has always been a point of pride for me.  Perhaps my natural independence was another reason this brown, steaming bowl of human stew made me uneasy. Eating somebody would force upon me an uncomfortable personal connection.

Above is an excerpt from the only novella we have included in the first issue of the Excursions from the Citadel, written by the author of Atop a Pine-covered Mountain that is also included in this volume. It is one of the two conventional fantasy stories in this volume by which I mean a story set in a medieval Western, high magic setting. It is my personal favourite out of all 6 pieces but judge it for yourselves.

This is the last of the excerpts that will be released. Go to Issue 1 Excerpts under the Excursions from the Citadel to access all 6 excerpts for issue 1. If you like what you saw of the excerpts posted on this blog, visit here to get yourself a Kindle copy of the actual volume. Also, stay tuned for issue 2 of the Excursions from the Citadel which will tackle a new theme: Wizards. It will include work from the circle of 3 again and potentially more authors. It will definitely include the second and final part of my Chinese story titled A Thread of Chance and potentially two more stories, one solo and one another collaboration piece of what I dub a M&A collab. We are hoping to release it about June this year.

Finally, we are looking for unbiased Amazon reviews so if you’ve purchased a copy, please leave us your thoughts on our work. Also, we’re on KDP Select which means that we will be running a promotion scheme on this book by making it free for a total of 5 days at anytime of our choice. So stay tuned for announcement of the timing of that if what you’ve read of the excerpts which sometimes doesn’t give a fair sense of the whole story doesn’t yet sway you to grab a Kindle copy of the Excursions from the Citadel.

Excursions from the Citadel- Excerpt from A Thread of Chance: An Overdue Reunion

Each Mortal is bound by a Limit, a Geomancer is also a Mortal.

Every Reading comes with a Price, Know the Worth of the Price.

Every Situation is accompanied by Chance, a single Thread of Chance.

 

It is the idle season. Clusters of women gather to gossip under the rows of willow trees at the village front. A stranger catches their eyes, garbed as he is in a cotton robe worthy of an entire year’s upkeep for a family of three generations.  Their gazes track him as far as they can follow: he’s heading for the rear of the village towards the lodging of Xian Sheng, the Teacher. He walks on the mud track with a stroll which proclaims that he belongs elsewhere, to the wide expandless world beyond the village that is both exciting and frightening. The sight brings the villagers into a state of awe. They had never seen such prestige projected through so simple a motion.

The stranger, Xun Zhen whose name means Seeking Truth, creases his brows in reflection over what he had seen on the way to this village. The prices for staple food have gone up in all the towns but there isn’t a drought in the surrounding regions. That usually means someone has been stockpiling them. Could news of my mission have already leaked out? To whom?  Xun Zhen shudders to contemplate the possibility.

Xun Zhen feels anticipation building within himself for the upcoming encounter. Quickly overtaking, and prevailing over it, however, is a feeling of unresolved mystery resurfacing. Why had He left? Why did He choose this way, of all possible ways? Unwilling to relinquish his grudge, Xun Zhen refuses to refer to the Old Man as anything other than a generic He. He’s no longer worthy of being anything other than a faceless being in my world. He abandoned me along with all that He was, why should the Deserter earn any respect from me let alone still have my affection? Xun Zhen wishes that that he has come today to simply collect his due from Him rather than an actual mission. Least of all his mission today.

Reluctant to move further, he stops on the mud track, which is still a fair distance from a bamboo fence enclosing a grass hut standing aloof and lonely. He can only see the structures from where he stands but his instincts tell him that this most ordinary residence is his destination.

Sa Sa Sa. His gaze turns to the left where a gale is sashaying among the bamboo forest. Despite the wind, no single bamboo stalk bows. The sight recollects to him the words once spoken by the Old Man while viewing a similar scene. “That’s how a man of virtue needs to be. That‘s how We need to be. Break rather than bend.” That is why He chose here. It is the fitting abode for His character.

Xun Zhen moves forwards towards His hut.

“This is Two,” a cultured voice states. It comes from a man who is all white in hair and beard but with a visage of one in his thirties.  He is sitting cross-legged in the middle of the front yard on a seat of stone that the Elements seem to have crafted specifically for him. About a dozen or so children of various ages, wearing patched clothes, sit facing him in the same posture. A surprisingly orderly sight for young children of this social class.

The Old Man has always had that effect, He imbues his unique aura onto everything he touches. I could have been, no, I was one of these children sitting in rapt attention.

Xun Zhen’s mind wanders back to his own childhood, to the first meeting between him and the Old Man.

He looks exactly like the first time I saw him except his hair and beard were the color of ink rather than snow. “Mischievous One, would you like to go with me?” He asked. I thought he looked very ordinary and extraordinary at the same time. I cocked my head to one side as I pondered this puzzle. My eyes roamed across the stranger from head to foot in that way that got Niang – Mother – scowling at me whenever she caught me.

He was wearing a Daoist robe. It fitted him in somewhat but not quite with those men with white beards that they stroked as they prattled about things that we common people don’t, and won’t, know. I didn’t really have a concept of what it meant to be part of the common people, it was just what Niang said I was. So I wasn’t as in awe of Daoists as most of my playmates but more curious.

I stuck out my tongue at him. “Old Man,” I called in retort. I went with him but the name stuck as my special term of endearment for him. He taught me to read and write. He gave me the name of Xun Zhen. “Zhen, Truth, is the core to every being and object. Life is the search for Zhen within and without. Do honour onto the name by never forgetting the meaning behind it,” He said when he gave it to me.  He raised me to be who I am.

So why did He betray me by leaving the way He did? Xun Zhen’s hands clench up into fists.

Xun Zhen watches Him draw three horizontal lines on the muddy ground with a twig, each lower line successively longer than the one above it. The Teacher points to what he just drew, “This is Three.” Next to it, he draws a rectangle from the top of which dangles two short curved lines heading towards left and right respectively. “This is Four.” He continues drawing until Ten, a horizontal line dissected by a vertical one.

“Nine is the ultimate number rather than ten. Does anyone know why?” the Teacher asks his students.

The children all shake their heads and look at him expectantly.

“Because Heaven always leaves a single Thread of Chance. Thus we should always leave a single thread of chance for ourselves and others in any situation.”

Xun Zhen enters. “Well said, I come precisely for a Thread of Chance, Teacher.” He put emphasis onto the last word to mock the Deserter.

Above is excerpt of the first scene from my solo piece in this epub: A Thread of Chance. I’ve decided to give this part the subtitle of “An overdue reunion” since I’ve also included a short meta fiction piece that goes in front with the story itself in the actual publication. Anyone who has read my About page knows already that I’ve always dreamed of producing one day a fantasy series LoR style but based on an ancient Chinese setting. A Thread of Chance certainly isn’t an epic but it is set in my Dragon Empire setting which is what I call this fantasised ancient Chinese setting that I’m still crafting away at.

I’m fairly happy at how this piece has turned out and the process of writing it is quite joyful to myself who often struggle with my perfectionist streak that manifests often in the form of a Writer’s block or procrastination. Ideally, I would have wished more time for editing since this is a piece that came to me late relative to the deadline for submission but I do think it is ready for public eyes. Hopefully, you will judge it to be so too. And if you have comments and thoughts on this piece you would like to share, you are more than welcome to leave a comment.