I had found the inspiration to write up one more snippet after all but I think it would be the last. The main reason is that I don’t think it helps me to improve my writer craft since it is some kind of signature feature of my writing that I tend to delve into character’s inner dialogues a lot. However, I will keep the practice of posting random writing snippets every two weeks, just to use as an excuse to keep in practice for novel writing. What I would do from now on is work on areas that are my short points. I think I’ve mentioned that one of them is characterisation and one area I’ve pinpointed is character emotions. So this will be the theme that my future random snippets would be based on: character sketches displaying how they deal with specific emotions.
Anyway, here’s snippet 4 (and likely the last snippet, I’ve writer’s whims so who knows what I will do):
“I’m not your enemy and I’ve done nothing to harm you so stopping treating me like one. If anything, you’ve brought me nothing but trouble. I must’ve owed you a debt in my past life” Right, here we go again, I’m the sole cause of everything that had gone wrong in her life. If she had made a bad decision, she made it because of me. And she told me not to villainise her, right then stop villanising me. How is that fair? Everything I’ve done wrong is due to a character fault, and note, a character fault that she had tried her best to steer me away from. Meanwhile, she’s the all-noble mother that had to sacrifice this and sacrifice that and put up with all the wrong choices because of me, because she had my welfare in mind. And if I suggested that she had some ulterior motive i.e. she wanted to fulfil what she couldn’t through me, she would jump up to the ceiling in rage! Well, I couldn’t do the same with her when she provoked me into rage. So I just turn cold. I just turn cold inside, which is effectively what she does whenever we have an argument when I was growing up. She moulded me into a soft-hearted malleable person who jumps in the direction of whoever beckons by threatening to withdraw her affections and turning cold whenever I didn’t want to go her way. And then when I woke up one day to the truth of who I am and how I should be and want to be, she doesn’t respect that. For her, you are either a success or a failure according to her view, it doesn’t matter what insights and epiphanies you have or have learnt. Well, sorry, Madame Judgemental, I don’t care for your opinion anymore because I hold the exact opposite life philosophy and what makes you happy doesn’t make me happy. And I’m no longer cowed by your cold-war tactics, two can play the same game.
As promised, the belated snippet #3:
“What is the ultimate purpose of education? To get a paying job…” Next she’s going to tell me about why the career I’m thinking would not provide me stable pay etc. Every time I wanted to discuss a possible area to head in that I might be interested, she would start picking faults with it and pull out real life examples that she had sussed out. I’m getting tired of her games. She’s been doing it my whole life, subtly influencing the direction of my life. Whenever I mentioned something that’s contrary to how she wants me to live, she would offer ‘advice’. And if I don’t heed her advice, she would start arguments with me and otherwise ‘insinuate’ her thinking into me in everyday life. I don’t know whether she knows that I’ve known her game all along but maybe she doesn’t care as long as she got her way. Oh yes, she always got her way, up until now. Now I’m just so sick of the way that she’s been manipulating me that I no longer whether I would lose her affection if I go against her anyway. I don’t even want to listen to her ‘advice’ anymore, her advice that is dressed up all nicely in rationality and practicality. I don’t care about those anymore, they aren’t me, or at least, not all of me.
As promised, here’s the second snippet and we’re still following the same mother-daughter pair as last time:
“I don’t know why you love mucking around so much, you do it day and night. You are only in the thirties. You’ve got plenty of time to muck around later in life. Your priority now should be making money.” Right, as if I could know for a certainty that I would live the standard old age. Even if I could, who is to say that I would think a life living how she wants me to live- getting and keeping a secure full time 9-5 job and keep having numbers piling up in my bank account, would be superior to a life of “mucking around”. Besides, who says that I intend to muck around for life? I’m just not ready to move yet, especially if I’m being pushed. And here we go again, the “should” business again. I have no idea why she gets the idea that there is only one correct way of living, one correct thing to strive for at a particular life stage. For her, everything is money, money. It’s almost like she feels that one would starve without enough savings. But really, I’ve still got enough savings to last me another year. So why should I rush into a job, any job just for the sake of money? She just doesn’t get it that, to me, it is far more important to me to at least not hate my job rather than just racking in pay from week to week. And if I tell her that, she’s gonna sneer at me and say that I’ve never appreciated fully the responsibility of managing day-to-day finance for a household. Right, I haven’t but I know that one could trim down on living expenses any time one puts one’s mind to. But I can’t be bothered telling her. Every time we try to resolve our differences in perspective, we end up arguing. And she’s much better at arguing than I am. Twisting my words, pulling back examples of what she had sacrificed throughout her life for me, she’s the expert at all those tricks. Me, I’m usually cowed by her in the end. So I’ve long since given up arguing with her. No point, no point to it at all.
I had delved into the stats on WordPress to find which category of my posts are most popular and Random Writings won by hands down. And since I’ve already exhausted all of my old outputs, I figured that I would start a new pile (especially now that my novel is in ‘stalled’ status) to appease my followers who miss them sorely.
This time, instead of just random writings, I got the inspiration to write a short story in snippets (the main reason being that the best I could do in these random writing sessions is to reach the 100 wordcount). Anyway, the story will be about a mother-daughter couple who have an irreconcilable clash of life philosophies on the main. However, this is purely unplanned writing so I have no inkling how things pan out later as to whether I will have just have brand new characters for each single snippet or whether I would go on with the mother-daughter duo in the current snippet. Unlike a conventional story, each snippet will start with a sentence that the mother says and then follow up with the daughter’s internal thoughts. My beta reader for the novel that I’ve abandoned (for now, hopefully) has commented that I have the habit to get into character’s heads a lot and here I’m just going for that in the max. I don’t think how the readers would like it but I like to experiment with different things now and then and this is one of my attempts. For now I would name this story “Live and Let Live”
Below is the first snippet:
“If you don’t want to move up, then you move down.”
Her implicit beliefs of how the world operates has ever been that people are segregated by different social classes that become insurmountable barriers between their interactions, that the world is forever out to “get you” such that if you are not on alert 24 hours a day and 7 days a week to push yourself towards improvement and racing ahead, then you fall back in the natural order of things because everyone is racing ahead and finally that everyone wants to race ahead rather than contemplating the fact that some- such as me, might simply refuse to participate in such a race that she pictures and instead do their own things. Yes, contemplating is definitely the right word here, not acknowledging, she holds the strongest belief that her view of how the world operates is the truth rather than just her own perspective and her own reality.
This time, I think I want to aim for this serial post to become recurring at set times since I sorely need to keep in practice for creative writing now that I put my novel on hold. However, since I just started afresh so I think I will aim for a recurring post every two weeks rather than weekly. Say let’s just settle for every second Friday starting from the 29th of this month.