The jump off line came from V11 by Wendell Berry. This was a piece from a couple years ago that talked about how I became a writer. It was never my intention back when I was in high school and that’s the lens I presented, at least in the opening paragraphs.
I would not have been a writer except that this is what I gravitated towards in boredom or self delusion that I was improving my writing skills. I was doing a PhD then and my main exposure to fiction had been reading (although I was erratic- I was reading non-stop all throughout high school and university and even into phD and then nothing at all for a while). Actually, now that I thought about it I only stopped because I became unemployed and lost access to the library at university and I hadn’t visited my local library for ages. But eventually I went in and got myself a new library card and then the reading continued. I mean, at first, I was reading career change books because I thought that was what I was going through and contemplating but eventually it’s fiction again. And I had broken from the phD already by then. Writing was my answer to my career change quest and eventually I moved back to doing research in order to feed myself.
I would not have been a writer except that my pursuit of an academic career went awry. I think I shocked everyone when I chose to drop out of a PhD.
I would not have been a writer except that that was the only thing I know which could ground me in the moment. That gave me a kick to get up in the morning.
I would not have been a writer except that it was an undertaking that I was dedicating to myself. I felt like I had dedicated myself too much to others prior to age 30 and now I’m evening the score. I’m a Libra after all.
Moonlake's Fiction Space 