I hope I am forgiven…

This jump off line comes from Rabbit by Heather Swan. I think I will title this piece Forgiven or forgotten.

I hope I am forgiven for the words I did not mean to hurt but did. 

I hope I am forgiven for the thoughtless deeds. 

I hope I am forgiven for being lazy, for being self centred, for guarding my time so jealously. 

I hope I am forgiven for not knowing myself or perhaps for losing myself. 

I hope I am forgiven for letting time pass me by. 

I hope I am forgiven for skipping out. 

I hope I am forgiven for the past. 

I hope I am forgiven for the future. 

I hope I am forgiven or forgotten. 

I hope I am forgiven or else forgotten. 

Forgiven or forgotten. It was my principle. When I could not forgive, I forgot. It was what I call the ultimate revenge. It’s also time’s revenge.

Forgiven or forgotten. But apparently forgotten is easier said than done. As I found out. 

Forgiveness is letting go sometimes. Forgiveness is saying I still care about you. You are still somebody in my life. Otherwise, forgetting is easier. 

Forgetting is just letting time take over, letting things fade, fade into the background. 

I used to be much better at forgetting. But then I learnt to not forget because it made me vulnerable. I had no artillery to throw back against those who remembered every slightest grudge real or imagined. 

I’m not sure whether I would ever want to unlearn not forgetting. There does not seem a call for that.