This jump off line comes from Rabbit by Heather Swan. I think I will title this piece Forgiven or forgotten.
I hope I am forgiven for the words I did not mean to hurt but did.
I hope I am forgiven for the thoughtless deeds.
I hope I am forgiven for being lazy, for being self centred, for guarding my time so jealously.
I hope I am forgiven for not knowing myself or perhaps for losing myself.
I hope I am forgiven for letting time pass me by.
I hope I am forgiven for skipping out.
I hope I am forgiven for the past.
I hope I am forgiven for the future.
I hope I am forgiven or forgotten.
I hope I am forgiven or else forgotten.
Forgiven or forgotten. It was my principle. When I could not forgive, I forgot. It was what I call the ultimate revenge. It’s also time’s revenge.
Forgiven or forgotten. But apparently forgotten is easier said than done. As I found out.
Forgiveness is letting go sometimes. Forgiveness is saying I still care about you. You are still somebody in my life. Otherwise, forgetting is easier.
Forgetting is just letting time take over, letting things fade, fade into the background.
I used to be much better at forgetting. But then I learnt to not forget because it made me vulnerable. I had no artillery to throw back against those who remembered every slightest grudge real or imagined.
I’m not sure whether I would ever want to unlearn not forgetting. There does not seem a call for that.