I want to say I was here…

The jump-off line is from I want to say by Natalie Goldberg. I got bored half way and started recording what actually happened (the paragraph about the runny nose). But I really like the ending sections of this piece that came after that. 

I want to say I was here. Here or there, it doesn’t matter. Not to me. I’m not much interested with surroundings, with the external world. Rather, I turn inwards. It is always what’s inside that holds my attention. I’m self absorbed in that way. Though I never thought of describing myself as self absorbed before. But come to think of it, it might be apt. It might be. 

I want to say I was here. Here and now. Time is probably more important to me. Or maybe it isn’t. Part of being a routine person is that often as not, one day blends into the next and the next after that. I started recording five things for every day that passed in my life, as a self love thing or just self acknowledgment. Not like a diary which I could never stick to. But five things- thoughts or observations- I could capture, especially with my timesheet that I use to account for how I spend my waking hours, down to half hour slots. In truth, I cheat a little sometimes by only spending 15 minutes on a writing related task and the rest of the half hour on FB games and online novels. But it turned out to be a good prompt for 5 F 2day. That’s what this daily note taking is called. 5 for today, for yourself. 

I want to say I was here. I’ve been having a runny nose as I write, now. Hay Fever. 

I want to say I was here. Here on Earth. Suspended in the galaxy, within the solar system. 

I want to say I was here. A speck of dust in history, across its span that stretches back from darkness, from nothingness into the light, into eternity. A speck of dust but I’ve been here. Now.

Published by moonlakeku

intermediate Chinese fantasy writer working on her debut series

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