For a while, I’ve been trying to do daily writing exercises from some prompt but like my diary writing attempts, it died out after a while. However, because I cannot formulate a post that provides actual value to readers out of the 2 writing mistakes that I’ve lately discovered about myself for today, I’ve decided to make use of these outputs of my earlier efforts. The following passage is the first of a series where I’m trying to construct the situations under why a conflicting or at least non-congruent expression observed by outsiders could arise to the actual feelings felt by a particular individual. The actual phrase that sparked off this series again came out of Cathy Birch’s The Creative Writers’ Workshop: I have to smile whenever….
Topic: I have to smile whenever I feel angry….
I have to smile whenever I feel angry. This way, I make them really scared of me. And I keep them docile. Yes, docile underlings are the best. They don’t think on their own, they don’t get squeamish, they just act. They become valuable tools, extensions of your own ingenious mind, manifestations of your own iron will.
I have to smile whenever I feel angry. My father told me so. I used to cower when I saw him smile. I remembered the sense of fear taking hold of me. For me, fear doesn’t paralyse, it creeps up on me. First, it seizes my neck, then it slithers down my spine, inching itself along it ever so slowly. Inch by inch…
Now, I drink in the sense of fear that my underlings exude. Yes, they exude fear and the smell is absolutely intoxicating. Better than the sweetest perfume. I inhale deeply of the perfume of fear and I laugh. I laugh towards the sky.