I want to put it behind me…

This is just a line invented by Laurie Wagner who runs Wild Writing. I took it instead of any of the lines from the poem. That happens. I found out when I’m not inspired by a line, I just am not. This piece is not just about me. Laurie’s Wild Writing is more about truth and self healing but the way I do Wild Writing is not exactly that. It’s more me letting myself go as a fiction writer. Sometimes it is about myself, sometimes it’s not, sometimes it’s stuff I’ve read, watched, heard, sometimes it’s just prose. So this piece is like a combination: some of it me, some from recent readings, some just prose my subconscious threw up. 

I want to put it behind me. The roving eyes, the grasping hands. 

I want to put it behind me. The scornful words, the nickerings. 

I want to put it behind me. The martyrdom of always putting others first. 

I want to put it behind me. Always going along even if I don’t like it. 

I want to put it behind me. The accommodation, the submissiveness. 

I want to put it behind me. The forgetfulness of nobody ever done me wrong. That generosity had only ever returned and clubbed me in the face with it. 

I want to put it behind me. The fire that has burned into my eyes, my soul. 

I want to put it behind me. The darkness, the fear. 

I want to put it behind me. The sound of water drops, dripping down from the ceiling. 

I want to put it behind me. Endless bank statements. 

I want to put it behind me. The endless attribution game. 

I want to put it behind me. The same argument emerging again and again, in different forms and often the same. 

I want to put it behind me. The sound of bullets striking flesh.